Secrets You Better Tell Your Partner

Here is another interesting article from a guy that seems to know quite a bit about relationships.

Enjoy!


Secrets You Better Tell Your Partner

Posted by David Zinczenko

on Mon, May 21, 2007, 2:20 pm PDT

If you read my last column about secrets you should never tell your partner, you may assume that I believe honesty ranks behind coffee preferences on the list of relationship priorities. But that's not true. Of course, better communication is one of the true keys to relationship success. While two-thirds of both men and women consider friendship to be the most important attribute in relationships, not all couples talk to each other like friends. Often, in fact, we stay bottled up like a old wine when the best course of action would be to start pouring it all out. The following secrets are ones many of us tend to keep hidden, but really shouldn't.

I've Got Issues

True story. An editor at Men's Health went on a radio show talking about relationships, and a listener phoned in, confused as to why a recent relationship didn't work out. He confessed that he had been in prison for years-but he didn't tell her until they were already months deep into the relationship. An extreme example, of course, but the point is that most of us are hesitant to reveal our quirks (don't eat anything green), our pasts (It took me seven years to graduate), our opinions (The president is a _____), and our issues (I never want kids) that may scare off potential partners. I'm not suggesting putting out a weirdo alert, but somewhere early on-maybe date six or so-it's smart to reveal at least pieces of who you are. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time, because when the truth does come out, your partner will feel mad-and duped.

I'm Getting Pursued

It's not the easiest thing in the world to tell your partner that a co-worker, or friend, or random barista is making moves on you. After all, you don't want to appear like you're gloating, you don't want to instigate jealousy, and you don't want your partner to be alarmed. If the chase has elevated from innocent flirting to serious pursuit, your partner deserves to know that you're in someone's lusting cross-hairs. Plus, by telling your partner that something screwy is going on, you're actually assuring him or her that nothing is going on.

I Like That

With 53 percent of people rating their sex lives as a C or worse, there's room for some improvement. Chances are, the problem is that you're not vocal enough. It's not that you don't make enough noise in bed-but you're not vocal enough about what you like in bed. Most of us are more verbal about our sexual likes early in relationships, but once we reach the comfort zone of a relationship, we're a lot less likely to actually communicate with our partners about what we want. The best strategy: Talk about it on a long drive and not right there in the bed, so there's no pressure to immediately perform. If you let the thoughts and ideas simmer, you'll have a better chance of bringing your relationship to a boil.

I Need More

A big relationship killer: Complacency. We get into our routines-Tuesdays mean Idol, Thursdays mean Grey's, the weekend means it's time to catch up on bills, laundry, and garage-cleaning. The relationships that get as stagnant as pond water need someone to make waves, but we don't tell each other what we want. Half of men and women say that they don't always tell their partners what's bothering them. And the only way to instigate and inspire change is to stop stewing and start flapping.

The article can be found at the link below:

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/41305/secrets-you-better-tell-your-partner

5 Secrets You Should Keep From Your Partner

Posted by David Zinczenko

on Wed, May 16, 2007, 2:18 pm PDT

It starts out simply enough: A man and woman get together, they share some wine, they go back to her place, their relationship grows, they laugh and they fight, and they become-tada!-a couple. And then something happens: They're supposed to share everything with each other. Their fears. Their dreams. Their thoughts. Their bills. Their medicine cabinets. And that's when this simple little romance starts to get complicated. in most relationships, there's such a thing as too much sharing-and I believe that a little discretion at the right time in the right situation is not only a good thing, but also could actually improve relationships. As long as you're not breaking the relationship rules-like playing tonsil hockey while the goalie isn't watching-then a little mystery can be a good thing. Here, five secrets you should keep to yourself-because not saying something will actually speak volumes. (And just so you don't think that I'm pushing to abolish the honesty policy, you'll read about the things you should never keep from your partner next time.)

You Don't Turn Me on Right Now

Granted, there will be days when your partner walks into the room and everything sparkles-moments like these make us count our blessings. But there are going to be other moments when your woman looks less like Cindy Crawford and more like Broderick Crawford, and when your guy is less Hugh Grant than Lou Grant. But when the occasional fashion faux pas or haircut from Edward Scissorshands comes around, swallow your tongue. If you want him or her to wear certain styles, compliment what you like, and ignore what you don't. Eventually, they'll get the message-but without the hurt feelings.

I Flirt With Others at Work

The stats don't lie: About 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women have lusted after a co-worker-without ever making a move. Even if you have no intention of taking it anywhere, nobody wants to think of their significant others spending 8, 10, 12 hours a day around flirtatious and attractive co-workers, especially when they look, smell and behave at their very best. Want to share sexual secrets? Confess your attraction to Hollywood celebs, not the co-workers in the adjacent cube.

I Can't Stand Your Friends

Your partner's circle of friends probably come in three different categories: a perfect package, nice enough, and how the hell can the two of you be friends? In that last category, there are all kinds of crazies-maybe she's too controlling, or maybe he's a bad influence. Whatever the case, know your audience. You may not like the friends, but your partner has more history with them than with you. So while they may not rank high on your personal list, keep it to yourself. Boxing out a man's friends is a relationship deal breaker, according to 83 percent of men we surveyed. And 62 percent of women would end a relationship if a guy doesn't get along with her friends.

I Still Think About My Ex

While it's natural to think about your ex, the Internet has increasingly made exes a bigger threat than ever before. The phenomenon of searching online for one's ex, which the majority of Americans admit to, can really make your partner jealous and fearful-especially since the phenomenon of people reuniting with very old flames has recently exploded (again, because of the Internet). You put your exes in the past; do the same with any conversation about them.

I Can't Live Without You

Why? Number one, it's not true; you can live without them. And number two, the key to a successful long-term relationship is to ensure that you've got your own life. You can say I love you, I enjoy you, I desire you, I appreciate you. You don't say I can't live without you. A partner should never feel trapped. He or she should be making a choice every day to be with you. And you, with them.

Have your own stories and secrets you think should one should keep mum about? Share them here.